“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛全国决赛佳作展示环节上新啦！今天为大家带来2022写作大赛决赛记叙文真题及季军作品，揭秘选手破题角度、写作思路，同时力邀写作教学专家南京师范大学田朝霞教授进行专业点评，带你摸清写作“门道”，领悟写作方法，提升写作能力！

The famous ancient Chinese fable Yugong Yi Shan (Mr. Fool Who Moved the Mountains) tells the story of Yugong, who, even in his 90s, worked with his sons and grandsons to try to remove two huge mountains blocking their way to the other side. Shovel by shovel, year after year, their hard work eventually touched the Ruler of Heaven who had the mountains taken away. The fable about the virtues of perseverance despite enormous difficulties has stood the test of time.

Write a new story set in modern times using the ideas implied in the fable of Yugong Yi Shan. Choose a title for your composition and write between 600 and 800 words.

想必大家对“愚公移山”的故事都了如指掌，但是，如果将此故事的背景设定为现当代，从何角度切入写就文章才能让人耳目一新呢？备受评委认可的文章究竟是什么样子呢？让我们细细品读写作大赛季军陆静文同学的记叙文作品吧！

对于《愚公移山》这个大家都很熟悉的题目，写出新意显得尤为困难，也尤为重要。同时，如何按照题目要求与现代相结合，强调perseverance，也需要慎重考虑。

为了使文章更真实可信、生动可读，我决定选择生活中亲身经历过的，同时经常引起我情绪波动的事件作为创作的“母版”。最终，我选择了“接连实验失败”这个话题。为了文章的趣味性和波折感，我在打草稿时决定设计一个“多次失败后终于燃起希望→希望破灭→意外找回希望”的故事线，并先从最容易写出情感的“希望破灭”环节下笔，再在时间线上往前、往后推。打完草稿后，我觉得故事还是略显幼稚，于是将实验内容改为更加具象、更易产生画面感的种子培育实验，以种子作为贯穿全文的线索。在写作时，我也把人暗喻为种子，全文落在我们和种子一样，必须能够忍受黎明前的短暂黑暗，只有在黑暗中继续不懈努力，才能等到发芽破土的那一天。这样不仅可以让全文更加流畅完整，也更有内涵。

Being Planted

"106!" The cry of disappointment breaks the silence of the peaceful night.

In darkness, he stands still there, with tears dropping continuously from his eyes.

He is a 5th-year Ph.D. student majoring in biology. His friends usually call him "undefeatable Ma" because of his resilience. In his teachers' eyes, he is always calm and gentle.

This is his 106th attempt to cultivate strawberries which could bear extreme climates. In his 105th experiment, he did all the pre-processes that he knew which could lead him closer to his goal. All he needed was to wish for a proper mutation. Every generation of the strawberry seemed to bring him closer to success, but every time the result was alike—failure, failure, failure. Failure, it seems, has become a buzzword in his life. He has literally got used to it. But this time, he can hardly help feeling frustrated and angry.

"Who stole my experimental strawberry!"

Last night, when he got to the field, he was thrilled. Although most of the plants were obviously dying, one plant stood vigorously in the middle of the experimental field. The plant was labeled "Plant No. 106". What a coincidence! In his 106th attempt, the 106th plant was finally mutating in its ideal way. To him, every inch of the field was perishing, but it didn't matter at all, because on that very inch of the field stood the very strawberry—the spark of hope.

Last night, Plant No. 106's fruit started to turn red. Ma was never so close to success. What he needed to do was to wait for several days to harvest that incarnadined, shiny, attractive fruit.

But this night, the fruit disappears. So does his hope.

It couldn't be devoured by a random bird, because the field was covered by sonars which would definitely drive them away. It couldn't be blown away by the storm, for there should be no big winds in this area. Before he selected this place as the experimental field, he had made every possible preparation he could. The only explanation is that some thirsty passer-by took it and ate it, disregarding the sign which writes "Experimental field, no stealing".

"3 years' effort! 1096 days' struggling! 13152 hours' DNA editing and experiment. ALL GONE!" he murmurs to himself remorsefully. He regrets that he didn't get a small sample of the stolen strawberry last night. After he saw that plant, he was confident that this plant would survive to the very last minute, so there would be no need for him to get the sample in a hurry. But he neglected the possibilities of incidents.

Now he is using his fingers to dig the ground. He doesn't know why he is doing so. He is well aware that the results of the past 106 attempts are all wasted because of the incident and his not taking the sample in time. He has no seeds left. At the present, he seems to have only 2 choices: to start from the very beginning, or to give up.

While he is trying to figure out which way he should take, he uses his finger to dig the soil of that inch of field which used to contain his hope. No matter what the result is, he wants to bring some soil back as a testament to his 3-year effort. Out of the blue, he touches something that feels different.

It is a sprouting seed!

It was accidentally planted too close to the mutated plant that it failed to get enough nutrition to grow as fast as its siblings. But it is growing, and it looks even more vigorous than No. 106 in this more rigid environment. It is obvious that this slowly-growing plant will bring out an even better experimental result than Plant No.106 Ma names it Plant No. 106-1.

Ma is so excited that he bursts into tears. If the passer-by hadn’t stolen Plant N0. 106, if he hadn't dug the soil after he thought he failed, he would miss this extraordinarily special mutation. Everything is not only hopeful again, but becoming even better.

Sometimes, we may find ourselves in darkness, feeling helpless and desperate, just like Plant No. 106-1, just like Ma. But never give in, for darkness may be evanescent. Please be patient and hold your virtues of perseverance, for maybe "we" are just being planted.

（为真实展示选手赛场上的写作风貌，文章为从iTEST 智能测评云平台中摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。）

中国英汉语比较研究会外语教师教育与发展专业委员会常务理事，中国英汉语比较研究会语音教学研究专业委员会常务理事，南京师范大学“教学十佳”及“教书育人”奖获得者。国家级一流课程《英语演讲》及江苏省一流课程《英语之声——实用发音技巧轻松学》负责人。2001年起指导学生参加各类英语赛事，多次获国家和省级奖项。自2015年起，多次担任“外研社·国才杯”全国英语演讲大赛定题演讲破题讲座专家，“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作、阅读大赛决赛评委和点评专家。《“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛官方指南》作者。

2022“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛决赛的记叙文以《愚公移山》为引子，要求选手叙述一个发生在现代社会的故事，故事应蕴含《愚公移山》的寓意。愚公在中国是一位妇孺皆知的主人公，他的“愚”或“大智若愚”，千百年来被人们津津乐道，尽管褒贬不一，但是愚公身上那种坚忍不拔的毅力是广受赞许的。

在众多的“愚公”故事中，这一篇给人留下深刻印象，不仅因为故事本身新颖，更因为主题切题，脉络清晰，跌宕起伏，高潮迭起。选手讲述了一位入校第五年的生物学专业博士生三年如一日，坚持不懈地探索通过基因编码技术，培育能够适应极端气候的草莓品种，终于在第106次实验中取得成功的故事。这篇作文至少有三处可圈可点。

第一，主题凸显，“perseverance”贯穿故事始末。

不同于许多其他作品，这一篇自始至终没有提到“Mr. Fool”或者“愚公精神”。然而，故事开头的第一句话“'106!' The cry of disappointment breaks the silence of the peaceful night.”便已点出主题。读者不禁想知道，是怎样的“perseverance”，才能让主人公做106次实验？故事聚焦在第106次实验，这位马博士一如既往的坚持不懈、永不放弃的“perseverance”跃然纸上。读者已经看到，如果这一次失败了，尽管1096天的汗水付之东流，他定会再来一次，因为他“has literally got used to it”。于是，之前105次实验的各种艰辛与执着，希望、失败、重来、再失败、再重来的情景，便任凭读者去想象了。不少选手将“determination”误当作“perseverance”，或者更凸显了“determination”，则是败笔。

第二，故事跌宕起伏，高潮迭起，难能可贵。

“惊喜——失望——决心重来——再次惊喜”的情节与情绪相一致。前一天晚上的惊喜，在大量衰败的秧苗中惊现一枝独秀，No. 106，成竹在胸。然而胜利果实意外被盗，犹如一盆凉水倾盆而下。就在马博士细心地检查实验田，为新征程做准备之际，又有了“无心插柳柳成荫”的意外惊喜。在No. 106不远处，一株瘦小的备选苗正呈现出更加旺盛的生命力。如果故事止于“重头再来”，也算是一个现代版的“愚公移山”的故事。但是这位选手却能一波三折，再次掀起高潮，并升华主题。题目“Being Planted”的含义与“perseverance”更是相映得彰。

第三，故事充满了“现代”元素。

5th-year Ph.D.、“strawberries” in “extreme climates”、DNA editing、mutated plant、No.106-1……这些都是现代社会一名青年科研工作者的日常工作细节。这与许多将愚公移山故事空置于“现代社会”，却不见现代元素的故事形成鲜明对比。正足以说明，历史虽然不断地发展，永不止步，而人类的精神却始终相通，相承，并且永恒！

决赛选手在语言使用方面已较少出现语句不通或词不达意的情况，故不赘述。

如果苛刻一点，若选手能对故事背景略带一笔，衬托出攻关背后的动力，则更能表现出《愚公移山》的精华之处。“perseverance”毋庸置疑是愚公精神，但是愚公的“愚”无一例外，并非从个人名利出发，建立在“小我”之上，而是建立在公众乃至人类的进步上，是大公无私，利在千秋的伟业。这一点也是许多选手忽视的。马博士科研攻关，培育新品种的巨大精神动力应该也是为了有更多人受益。愚公精神，一是“愚”，二是“为公之愚”。

读完这篇记叙文和专家点评，同学们是不是深受启发、受益匪浅？是不是对愚公精神有了更加深刻的理解？你会为“愚公移山”撰写怎样的全新故事？你还知道哪些立“愚”志、抒“公”怀的“当代愚公”呢？欢迎与我们交流！

后续小编还将为大家继续带来冠军议论文作品，敬请期待！

*配图取自网络，仅供学习分享使用，侵删